I can't stand being told I can't do anything. It fills me with disgust, pride, defeat, and anger, amongst other emotions. But I think more than anything, I hate being told I didn't do something I did. It doesn't just make me upset, it makes me feel utterly useless. I have often struggled with feeling inferior, and I know that I've worked hard to achieve some great things in the past several years. However, today, I don't know the difference. I just feel down, and I'm not sure if I know how to get back up.
It's hard to explain myself when there's always a backstory to most circumstances in my life. There's always a bigger picture that people never seem to really grasp. And so oftentimes, I look like a floundering, blubbering idiot making poorly-constructed excuses. I'm not lying, I'm not being overly defensive--but it tends to look that way regardless.
Just once I'd love to be able to be truly heard and accurately estimated. I'm not as lost as I seem. I've worked hard to accomplish everything I have, and I did a lot of it on my own. Maybe it's not perfect, but it's all I've got. Just because I'm having a rough time now doesn't mean I'm entirely incapable. I assure you, I know more than you know.
At least, I'm pretty sure I do. I know I did, once.
No comments:
Post a Comment